Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
