I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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