FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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