just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
