I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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