I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
