The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
