pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
