The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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