Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
