Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is my gift to your gina
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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