I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
