Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
