you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
