your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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