Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
