I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
found the other keg... it's in the tree
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
