Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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