Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize