DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
