Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
