I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
