A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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