if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
