Don't make out with my wife yet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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