someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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