Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
