when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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