True but thats because hes a fetus.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
