How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
