Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
