There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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