sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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