absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
