I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
