I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
