I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
