i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
