Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I pour the whiskey from now on
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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