I think my fart just growled at me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
