This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
