We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
