My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
