the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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