I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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