Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
