break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
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New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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