The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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