Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
