WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just invented taco cereal.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.