May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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