Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.