My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.