Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity