Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The best revenge is premature balding
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse