whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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