Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
