I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
