How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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