I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
