Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
