I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
God, I missed his penis.
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