this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
only you would photoshop your dick
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
