If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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