boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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