I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
