OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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