I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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