My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
