I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
