If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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