Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
