I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
