i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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