Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
