it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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