Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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