Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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