I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
