the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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