Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
