i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
