my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
