Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize