We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
