is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
