I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
