hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
