Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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