my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
