yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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