put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
