you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
