He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
