i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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